On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize