im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
