Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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