Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
