you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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