I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
