I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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