She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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