The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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