so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
