i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she told me i tasted like america
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
