Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
