1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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