im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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