Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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