my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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