shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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