There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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