made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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