she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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