Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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