time to smoke my breakfast
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
