I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
