instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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