So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
