wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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