3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
