girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
