i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
