well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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