i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dick has a subreddit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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