He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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