Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
