I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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