We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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