If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I pour the whiskey from now on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize