It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
