i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
