How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she smelled like a LAN party
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
