She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
