he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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