Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize