her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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