But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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