Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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