we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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