SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
