I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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