he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize