i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
