Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
