Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
