I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Enjoy the penises
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
