6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
