our cab driver is having phone sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
