I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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