What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A+ Viking dick
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