Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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