??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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