Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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