I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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