he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
