it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
