sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
