On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
