Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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